I want to stick my p in your. b.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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