Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
