i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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