I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
