whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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