I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
