I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
