I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
