Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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