You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The uberlube is also flammable
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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