O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
