you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
