Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
