please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
