I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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