Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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