another moral hangover. fuck.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
