I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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