apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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