too bad you live with your parents still
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize