I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
