Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
