My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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