Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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