Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
