really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
