My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
