Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
