We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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