the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
