I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
