can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up under a house in Key West
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
