Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
