I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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