it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
