On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
