i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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