is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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