It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
