I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize