About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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