Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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