I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
