So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I cockslap morals
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
