bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
