His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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