You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
