how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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