Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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