Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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