I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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