i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
