All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
