You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
