i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
