foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
