woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
