We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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