I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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