you traded sex for a burrito?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
