dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
