This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
