There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
