How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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