After last night, I could never be a politician.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize