please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
