I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize