I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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