Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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