Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
