I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize