i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
