I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
