we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
