we have pet lesbian snakes
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Did I show you my penis last night?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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