Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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