i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
