We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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