I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
