I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
