I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
