If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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