the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
