I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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