gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
