Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
