Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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