I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
