I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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